My name is Richard Cole. I am a suicide attempt survivor. I have been referred to as a “dead man walking” because, statistically speaking, I should not be alive. I survived two suicide attempts, both of which there are no medical explanations of why I lived. In November of 1998 I shot myself in the chest with a 9mm handgun; six months later I took more than 900 pills. Given the severity of my suicide attempts coupled with my history of depression and suicidal ideation and my lack of fear of death… statistically speaking I should be dead. In fact, the doctors told my parents I would never see 30 years old. I am now 48 years old.
Most of my suicidal ideation stems from the “loss of love.“ Things like a breakup or divorce trigger anxiety which leads to suicidal thoughts and feelings. Despite having such a maladaptive reaction to the end of relationships, I have been very lucky in love… in that I have been “in love” 4 or 5 times in my life. I have known people who claim to never have been in love. Maybe I fall in love too easily, but then why does it hurt so badly when it ends?
Most of my life I have been a photographer, but I have also worked as a newspaper reporter, pretrial jury consultant, property manager and custom wood artisan. I enjoy a variety of creative activities. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I almost always have something playing in the background. I plan on writing about music and sharing a lot of songs/videos.
In June 2018 I was interviewed by NBC for this piece on surviving a suicide attempt:
To read the complete article go here:
These days I live a fairly quiet peaceful contented life in Upstate New York. I still suffer from anxiety and depression from time to time, but significantly less so than in my youth. I live alone with my Redbone Coonhounds, Duke and Dutchess… a cat “General Tsao,” and a flock of chickens. I give public talks about issues of mental health, PTSD, bullying, suicide and the stigma of mental illness. If you or your organization would like to schedule a talk, please get in touch via email: deadmanliving at richardcole dot com.
Clarifying a Few Things…
I write this blog because I think that many of the issues I talk about are seriously pressing issues in our society today. It’s also a form of therapy for me. I have received a lot of very positive feedback from a wide variety of people about this blog and my public talks. I am happy that I am able to help some people. If I reach even one person with each post or each talk and somehow help them, then it’s worth all of the time and energy spent. Some people have spoken to me in person thanking me. Some people email me and some people have found my phone number online and called or texted me. I don’t mind talking/texting with anyone. I am almost always “connected online.” That being said, I feel I need to clarify a few things:
- I am not a doctor or therapist.
- I am not here to save any one.
- I don’t need saving.
- I don’t have magical powers.
- I don’t owe anyone anything.
An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment.
There’s no doubt that that you need to write more on this topic, it
may not be a taboo subject but usually folks don’t discuss such topics.
To the next! Cheers!!