Tag: online dating

Deadman Dating? Part II

I’ll be 100% honest… the whole thought of dating makes me want to kill myself. I am well aware that I am not randomly going to run into “Ms. Right” in my day to day life. Because of where and how I live, online dating is really the only option. I have profiles on several sites, although I don’t pay for the premium services. I waste countless time actually reading profiles and flipping through hundreds of pictures. I am discouraged at the number of fugly women out there… sorry. Seriously, I am sorry. I 100% wish I were not so vain and superficial. I have married, and then been divorced from, 2 stunningly beautiful (on the outside) women. I know, without any doubt in my mind what-so-ever, that if I could fall in love with an ugly woman, my life would infinitely be better. I know this with zero doubt… but I just can’t. So, I swipe left… swipe left… swipe left….. Then….

Then, I come to a beautiful woman… and I just want to hang myself. Why? Am I not worthy of being with a beautiful woman? Would I not be appealing to a beautiful woman? Honestly… after everything that I have been through… I don’t know. I guess despite my outward bravado I must still have some insecurity. Why would a woman “like that” want to date me? What would I have to offer a woman “like that?”

Even if it’s not insecurity eating away at my sanity… there is a laziness factor that has come into play in my late 40’s. Do I really want to expend the time, energy and money to pursue a woman “like that.” Finding someone takes time. Wooing someone takes time. I am not looking for one night stands, so more time than one night is required. I often feel like I live on thin ice as it is… how much can I risk pursuing something that is probably doomed to start?

When I start to talk to a woman I have so many variables I need to keep track of. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time… so when do I reveal my psych history? Many women are immediately scared away from me because I have tried to kill myself in the past. I understand this. Other women have been attracted to me because I have tried to kill myself in the past — I have learned to be very weary of these women!!! They want to save me and no one can save anyone else!

On top of my psych history I have several physical ailments that can be an impediment to a relationship. I have Fibromyalgia. I have a degenerative joint and nerve disease. I have Afib. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Spastic Colon which also gives me chronic gastritis! I have chronic migraine syndrome. I take Opioids and muscle relaxers every single day. Who the fuck wants to deal with all of that? I certainly hate having to deal with it!!!

I am lucky in one regard… most of the time I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I rather like my alone time. But there are some times when I feel lonely and wish I had someone to share my life with. About a year ago, I came up with a test for myself in terms of how much time I am willing to put towards dating… When I think I am lonely and wouldn’t life better with a girl friend… I watch some porn and jerk off — and after I cum I ask myself if I still really want a girl friend. Think about it… not a bad test! Unfortunately, recently the answer has been — definitely maybe. LOL.

Deadman Dating? Part I

I am forty-eight years old. I have been married twice and in the middle/end of my second divorce. I live in a very rural remote area with a low population density. I don’t work. I am not a member of a church or other large social group. All of these things would make dating daunting for anyone within these demographics. Then add in to the mix my psych history and current physical illnesses… and dating can seem just about impossible.

Before I get into my own situation regarding dating, I feel I have to offer a few words of advice for women regarding online dating:

  • Have a recent picture. This seems rather obvious but alot of women don’t have any photo at all or some of the photos are obviously from many years ago. What’s the point of advertising yourself as someone you USE to be versus who you ARE?
  • The photo should be close to in focus. Again, this seems like a no brainer to me, but I’m a photographer, so maybe it’s not as obvious to others. What’s the point of having a picture that is out of focus? It makes you seem like you’re hiding something… or just blind?
  • Don’t use filters. Again, this seems obvious to me as a photographer… but many of the IG filters really block off a large portion of your face and we can’t see what you really look like… and that leads us men to assume you don’t want us to see what you look like or are hiding some hideous feature.
  • DO NOT PUT UP PHOTOS OF YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN!!!!! Again, this really seems like a no brainer to me but I can’t believe how many women do this. This is unsafe. Period. There are a lot of scumbags out there. There are a lot of pedophiles out there. I get that your children are a big part of your life and you want potential mates to know this… so write it. But having photos of you with your kids where the viewer can clearly see their faces is dangerous. What’s even more disturbing is some women put their children’s names in their personal ad!!!! WTF??!?!?!!? Most personal ads say where you live… so all some pervert has to do is see what town you live in and Google the schools… then show up and they know your name and your kids name. I hate to sound too harsh but this is plain fucking STUPID. Some women put up pics of their kids without them in the pic… just a pic of the kid. Are you advertising your child to a predator? Are you attracted to grown men who might be “attracted” to your children? Seriously… get smarter or get some damn therapy!
Actual photo from Match.
I blacked out the boys faces.

This is an actual photo taken from a Match profile. There was enough information in her profile that I was able to find out her last name and other information in less than 10 minutes on Google. To her credit, she did not give the boys names. But, there was more than enough information in her profile to find her in real life fairly easily and quickly. This is not an uneducated or unworldly woman! Actually, she is exactly the kind of woman that the best version of me would fall for. She is stunningly beautiful. She is educated. She is a fellow creative by trades. She is a born again Christian, and even though I am not one, I tend to agree with most of their moral and political stances. So, if a woman like this can make this “honest mistake” you can imagine what less sophisticated women are posting.

{NOTE: I did not look up this woman to stalk her or harm her or her children in any way. It was merely an exercise to see what could be found out in what amount of time. I have never had any pedophilia tendencies or thoughts. If I did, I would stick a gun into my mouth and pull the trigger. If you, the reader, have any pedophilia type urges… I suggest you put the gun all the way in and pull the trigger. Pedophiles deserves nothing less than death. Period. RK, if you’re reading this, I mean people like you.}

  • Don’t put enough information in your profile for some stalker type to find you in real life, unless that is your goal. I don’t pay for many of the sites that I have posted profiles to and purposely put more than enough information in the profile for anyone one with half a brain to be able to find me in real life if they so choose. But then again, I am a guy, who doesn’t care if I die… and I sleep with a loaded 12 gauge.
  • Your screen name on the dating site should not include your first or last name. Part of the reason I was so easily able to find the woman from the above photo is that her screen name was her real first name. 🙁
  • Most of the pictures should be of you. So many women put up landscape pictures and memes in their dating profile. Why?
  • One last thing… I can’t tell you how many profiles I have seen where there are several pictures and each of them have more than one person… and I am left flipping back and forth trying to figure out who the common denominator is!!!!! WTF? Seriously annoying!!!

OK… I’m done with my rant. Next, I will talk about the harsh realities for someone like me trying to date. Stay tuned.